Just got home from my mom's house.  Went over there to eat nummies and watch TV.  How fucking exciting!

When I got home there was this large red truck just sitting outside the house, turned on, in the red zone....obviously not supposed to be here.  It being 11 at night, and just kinda odd, I didn't get out of my car until they left (and they didn't even really leave, just drove up the street a little).  I think I should be freaked out but I'm too goddamn tired.

So why am I on the 'puter writing blogs?  Ahhhh......the answer, my friends, is pitiful.

Boys.  Yes, boys.  Again and again, they give me problems.  Those fuckers!  I wish I could just spill it all out there for the world to read and to release all the shit that goes through my head, but I have to be a little more discreet ... even on a blog that is for that very purpose.

The one I love.  I mean, really love.  When I think of him next to me I shiver; no, I've never actually met him and that's becoming more commonplace with the advent of the interwebs some years ago so I don't feel so stupid.  Besides, my last two, uh...hmm "experiences" I have met through the internet.  I've found you can really get to know someone's mind, and to some extent their soul, if you do it through text first.  Then again, it can always backfire on ya.  I'm aware of that too.

Anyway, he's broken.  I can't fix him.  I can't fix us to be anything other than what we are and always have been.  He's stubborn, obstinate, tempermental.......but I love it.  I told him that he makes me happy even when he's putting me through hell and it's true.  It's fucking true!  How insane am I.

I miss him always, but I block it from my mind most of the time.

I'm passing out now. 

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